Waking
by eigoyui
Summary: Post DH. Lavender wakes to a multitude of self-doubt. Will he still love her? And will she let him?


A/N: Written for the flistafest on Live Journal. And for Shannon.

* * *

You wake for the first time.

The first thing you notice is the raw metallic taste of blood and you can't figure out where it's coming from or why it's there and for the first time that night you are terrified. You've always been about Divination, whatever will be will, but all you can think about at that moment is the source of the blood. You feel like everything you've believe in is suddenly a lie.

Is it someone you know?

Is it _his_?

You know he was near you minutes ago. You remember the look in his eyes when he saw you and how you think you felt your heart break all over again. He looked so fierce, so determined, and so ready to fight to the death. Ready to leave you.

You run your fingers across your face gently and even though you were expecting it, you are still surprised as you realize that it's you and the sticky red substance you are rubbing between your fingers is your own blood. You let out a cry and try to sit up and it's then you realize how much pain you are in and you drop back to the ground in defeat and can't stop yourself from crying. The crying isn't helping your pain, but it hurts so much and you just want it to be over so badly that you don't stop, you just get louder.

Almost instantly warmth spreads through your body as someone takes your hands and even though the voice above you whispering soothing words of support is unrecognizable through your sobs, you know without a second thought that it's him. It's not the familiarity of his touch that tipped you off though, it's his scent. Over the past year it's become entwined with yours so closely, you can almost swear that along with the woody, outdoorsy scent you have grown you love you can smell flowers as well. Your scent. You know it can't be you because you haven't worn it since that day a month ago when he broke up with you before the two of you had really began.

You whisper his name softly just a moment before your eyes flutter closed again.

* * *

You wake for the second time.

This time, you know exactly who is with you as your mother's frantic questions invade your mind before you have the strength to open your eyes.

"What can you do about the scars?" your mother demands and there is a silence so loud your ears hurt, followed by Madam Pomfrey's calm response.

"Nothing. I can heal them to an extent but they'll still be there." Your mother lets out another sob and you hear her push her chair back.

"You're saying she's going to have those ugly scars marring her beautiful face forever?" Madam Pomfrey must nod because your mother lets out another loud sob.

"No one will have her now."

You hear the curtains close and you are alone with her again. Your mind is reeling. Your beauty is what makes you stand out, what makes people notice you. Without that, who are you?

* * *

You wake for the third time and he's there again. You know he's there. You open your eyes but refuse to face him as a tear makes its way across your cheek and onto the pillow below you.

"Go away," you whisper and he sucks in a nervous breath.

"I'm not going anywhere," he says and you know his ears are red because that's just how he is, eternally embarrassed, no matter how brave he's feeling.

"You didn't want me a month ago when I was pretty. Why would you want me now when I'm not?" You hear his chair shift as he moves closer and you tighten your sheets around you so he can't see.

"I don't care."

"I do."

"You shouldn't."

You hear the curtain close and even though he is gone, his scent lingers. You can smell the flowers and you wonder if it's someone's idea of a cruel joke because it can't be like that anymore. Even if he did want you as you were, he's a hero now. He deserves better.

* * *

The fourth time you wake it's to the unmistakable blue eyes of Ron Weasley who is sitting by your bedside, feet up beside yours on the bed. You haven't spoken to him since last year and if you are completely honest with yourself, you don't know why he is sitting there.

"What are you doing here?" you ask, not even caring that your voice is harsh and unwelcoming.

"I was worried. You won't see anyone," he replied, raking a hand through his hair like you had seen him do many times over the years.

"And you thought you weren't included in that?" you snap, anger bubbling within in you so fiercely you feel as though you might burst at any second. Ron seems unfazed and you wonder what on earth has happened to him in this past year to change him, to make him grow up so much.

"Neville's a mess," he says and it's so out of the blue you flinch and even though it's Ron and he's as thick as anything he gets it. He takes his feet off the bed and moves so he is next to your head.

"I didn't see you two coming, I'll admit," he continues, speaking as if the two of you are old friends and ended on a good note instead of the horrible mess it was. "I always thought it was you and Seamus or maybe Dean." The tone of his voice angers you. It's as though he thinks you are shallow and you can't help but defend yourself.

"You would think that wouldn't you. Hermione had to all but stand in front of you naked holding up a big sign to get you to take notice of her. I bet you still haven't done anything about it either. Here you are accusing me of being shallow and only liking people for their looks. Have you forgotten Ron?"

He looks up at you and shakes his head, "I haven't. Don't make the same mistakes I did. He's a mess Lav. Don't do this to him." He stands and moves to the curtain, his hand fiddling with the cuffs of his arms. He rolls them up and holds his arm out to you and it's then you see the thin silver lines all over his forearm.

"I have them up both arms and all across my chest and back," he says through your gasp. "Don't let them define you. They're just scars and they don't have anything to do with the kind of person you are and if there is one person in this world that really doesn't care at all, it's him."

You can't help but smile. "When did you grow up?" you ask and he laughs for a moment before his face turns deadly serious.

"About five seconds after I thought I'd lost her." He leaves and although you should probably be a little bit jealous that he's finally found his place and you haven't, you can't be. You just hope you can get there too.

* * *

The fifth time you wake you know he's there before you open your eyes. You are overwhelmed by the smell of wood, the outdoors and the flowers. You roll over and look at him for the first time in over two weeks and he still takes your breath away.

He looks an absolute mess. His hair is still too long, his face riddled with faint scratches and scars and he looks as if he hasn't slept much at all since the battle. Somehow, you don't think he has, and you know it's your fault.

"Hi," he whispers and squeezes your hand.

"I'm sorry," you reply and he nods in understanding and raises your hand to his mouth, kissing your palm. You can't stop the tears from falling as you are overwhelmed by the feelings coursing through your very existence.

"Shh. It's ok." He joins you on your hospital bed and you cling to him for dear life, not quite ready to ask the question that is burning on the tip of your tongue.

"Nothing's changed. With us I mean," he says and tightens his hold on you. "I told you that when all of this was over we'd work it out. I meant it."

"I know," you whisper and your heart is thumping so loudly you wonder if he can even hear you. "What about-" you can't even finish the sentence but you gesture half-heartedly to your face and he catches on.

"I told you I don't care." You look up at him and he brings a trembling hand to your face and runs his fingers along your cheeks, your nose, and your lips as he wipes the tears away.

"I love you." Your heart stops. The look in his eyes is so intense you know he's telling the truth and you want to respond with the words he longs to hear but you are so overwhelmed you can't seem to string any words together so you do the only other thing you can.

You kiss him.

* * *

Please read and review. This isn't a normal pairing of mine and I would love some feedback or ideas. I should also apologise for the delay in posting for Meant to Live and Fall Away. I want to get them finished, and I think someday I will, but my desire to write other fics has overtaken my need to finish those two at this point in time. So please forgive me and enjoy the fics I give you now. 


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